A woman online has received overwhelming support for refusing to change her longstanding birthday tradition to suit her stepfather’s dietary restrictions.
Posting under the Reddit name ConfidenceSilver2215, the woman said her 29th birthday, which falls on Ash Wednesday this year, is set to be celebrated at a favorite restaurant she’s visited annually since she was 16.
The issue arose because her stepfather, a strict Catholic with a shellfish allergy, cannot eat meat on that day, and the restaurant doesn’t offer a meat- and shellfish-free entree.
Crossing Boundaries
The original poster’s (OP) mother and stepfather called her selfish for not moving the event to a different venue.
However, the woman argued that her birthday is not about accommodating someone she isn’t close with, especially someone who, she says, has previously crossed boundaries with her, her husband and her daughter.
“I tried explaining that I do feel bad, but then he’ll just have to have an app and salad,” she told Redditors.
“My mom feels I should change my plans to accommodate her husband.”
The post drew support from Reddit pundits, many of whom emphasized the right to set personal limits, especially when traditions are involved.
Amid more than 400 remarks, a contributor offered a script: “Mom, I love you. This is my birthday celebration and I am celebrating at this restaurant. When it is stepfather’s birthday he can celebrate it at the restaurant of his choosing.
“I’ll understand if stepfather is not able to attend, but I am firm in my decision to celebrate at this restaurant. Just as I have since I was 16. It’s a tradition.
“I am not going to discuss this anymore. Please let me know if he’ll be attending or not so I can ensure the reservation reflects the correct number of guests.”
Inconsistencies Flagged
Others pointed out the inconsistency in her stepfather’s religious stance.
“So this strict follower of the religion won’t bend that rule, but he married a divorced woman,” one critic noted.
“I am not anyone’s judge, but I don’t understand why these people want to choose what to be a stickler about.”
The woman’s dilemma mirrors situations described in other discussions about food-based disputes and family expectations.
In an article published by Newsweek, a woman revealed her mother-in-law had pretended for years to have life-threatening allergies to eggs, salt and ginger, only to be caught enjoying dishes with all three ingredients.
“She tells me well, she’s technically not allergic, but she doesn’t like the taste of egg… so she just tells people she is allergic,” the woman wrote in her post.
“She LAUGHS and says it’s not a big deal. Lots of people do it,” she added.
Experts say that guilt over declining a request from family is common.
“Think about what your ‘yes’ is providing your family members. Is it helping them or enabling them?” wrote Kristin McCarthy in her advice column at LoveToKnow on how to say no without guilt.
“If the ‘yes’ becomes a consistent financial or emotional drain, you must consider saying no to family on occasion.”
As the woman on Reddit weighed whether she was in the wrong, most pundits firmly agreed she was not.
Instead, many applauded her for sticking to her tradition and setting limits, especially for a celebration that was, in the end, her own.
Newsweek has reached out to ConfidenceSilver2215 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
To read how Newsweek uses AI as a newsroom tool, click here.
