The 31 craziest lines from Donald Trump’s Presidential Fitness Test Announcement 💪

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President Donald Trump speaks before signing a proclamation in the Oval Office at the White House, Tuesday, May 5, 2026, in Washington. (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

President Donald Trump reinstated the Presidential Fitness Test in an Oval Office event on Tuesday morning. He was surrounded by kids, professional athletes and dead bear collector Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr..

Given that audience, you would expect a bravura performance from Trump. And he delivered! Bigly.

I went through all of Trump’s remarks line by line — and picked out the quotes from Trump you need to see. They’re below.

I am the only reporter going through Trump’s words forensically every day/week/month. If you value that sort of close examination of what Trump says — as well as fact-checking, context and some humor — I hope you become a paid subscriber today! (I explained why I think this approach is SO critically important here.)

To the Lines!

“We’re thrilled to have so many young athletes here at the White House in the Oval Office on this magnificent spring day, and it is, indeed, a beautiful day to celebrate America’s athletic traditions and champions physical fitness and all of those things that I work so hard at on a personal basis, I work at so much, like about one minute a day max”

I’ll admit it: I laughed. Also, if you are not familiar with Trump’s “battery” theory of life force/exercise, you need to be. And away we go!

“I want to thank Secretaries Pete Hegseth who just gave a great news conference with General ‘Razin’ Caine, and that was really good. And you’re doing very well, aren’t you? They — they don’t like playing at games with us. They don’t like it at all. You’ll see that. As time goes by, you’re going to see it. I think you’ve already seen it. We’ve basically wiped out their military in about two weeks.”

Just to set the scene: Trump is surrounded by, mostly, kids here. For a feel-good event on fitness and healthy living. Also, we are destroying Iran. You’ve already seen it.

“You know that — think of it. He won 168 tournaments, 18 majors, nine and nine senior. He has more championships than anybody, national championships than anybody.”

Trump is talking here about former professional golfer Gary Player. Who was born in 1935. He loves an up-to-date cultural reference!

“He’s been winning — top three in history, in my opinion. I don’t think it’s my opinion; just based on the record. Gary is top three, of Jack and Tiger and Gary — greatest golfers.”

Come for the re-establishment of the Presidential Fitness Test. Stay for Donald Trump’s take on the greatest golfers ever! (Sidebar: While Player is undoubtedly an all-time great, he is not generally ranked in the top 5.)

“But he hit an unbelievable sand shot; sank a four-and-a-half-foot putt, and he won the U.S. Open, and he’s been a great golfer from the day he was born, if you believe in genetics, because I do. But he won — you know, he won the U.S. Amateur years ago, and he won it quite easily.

Trump is a BIG believer in genetics. He recently blamed bad “genetics” for a series of attacks across the country. Also: He is talking about pro golfer Bryson DeChambeau here.